Staying Strong Means Also Caring for Yourself

“Being my dad’s ‘coach’ was more important to me than anything. So much so that, over time, I became exhausted and found it harder to stay composed during some of the tougher conversations. I eventually realized that small things, like a day away from the hospital or renting a movie with my husband, went really far in helping me re-generate and be even stronger for my dad.”

Linda, Daughter of a Cancer Patient

Supporting a loved one during a battle with cancer may naturally come with putting that person’s needs first. But to be effective in that role, it is vital for you to take care of yourself so you remain positive, focused and confident for the person who needs you.

Below are some suggestions for caring for yourself during this difficult time. These suggestions have been compiled with the assistance of our special contributor, Jeannie Moore, Patient Support Manager with the Colon Cancer Alliance. You may also find helpful resources in our Getting Help.

  1. Prioritize your responsibilities. Recognize that supporting your loved one cannot come fully on top of your existing responsibilities. Take time regularly to organize your tasks and responsibilities, prioritizing what really needs attention, where others can help, and what can wait.
  2. Seek and accept help. Allowing others to help you gives you the focus and energy you need to support your loved one. This could be getting help with things in your daily life (like mowing the lawn or running errands) or having others carry some caregiving responsibility (such as filling out forms or making dinners).
  3. Consider support groups. Seeking support from others in a similar situation may help you feel less alone with the worries of being an advocate or caregiver. Depending on what would be best for you personally, some of the options include:
    • One-on-one support from another caregiver through a program like the Colon Cancer Alliance’s Buddy Program, where they match a caregiver with another caregiver.
    • An online support community, such as the Colon Cancer Alliance’s My CRC Connections, where you can ask questions openly that you might not feel comfortable asking others in your immediate circle.
    • Face-to-face support groups, such as those available at most National Cancer Institute (NCI) Cancer Centers.
  4. Believe in yourself. Participating in the important discussions and decisions facing your loved one may seem daunting at times. Remember to be true to yourself, your instincts, and your loved one.
  5. Know the signs of depression. Your loved one depends on you for positive energy, but you are also carrying what may feel like a heavy responsibility. Reach out for professional help if you find yourself regularly feeling sad or hopeless, losing interest in daily activities, feeling irritable or anxious, or have other challenges dealing with daily life.
  6. Don’t forget the other important people in your life. Your partner, children and others close to you can be an important source of support, joy and love during this stressful time. At the same time, be mindful of the strain that your caregiving role can put on those important relationships.
  7. Reward yourself. This might mean taking a small break, treating yourself to something you love to do (like a dinner out or a walk in the park), or catching up with an old friend. The important thing is to re-generate positive energy and reward yourself for the important role you play.